I haven’t spent a weekend in the city I live in all throughout March. April came quickly. I declared that I ‘ll try real hard not to leave SF on any weekends; I’ve gotten real stir crazy. But that declaration also leaves me alone on a Friday in the city. Kate went home to spend a weekend traveling to San Luis Obispo with her family and I refused to go home this weekend.
Speaking of loneliness, 3 years ago, I wrote in my book that my circle of friends would decrease by half every year but my bonds with the remaining people would strengthen twice as much. Three years later from that entry, Jun and Paul have become what I can consider “best men” status for mine and Kate’s wedding, and next year, that two is down to zero, as Paul will most likely be in LA working for Dreamworks or Disney and Jun will be in New York. Nobody will be within arms reach.
Even the expanded list of my friends and my friends’ significant others who I’ve gotten closely attached to, are scattered between Sacramento, Southern California, and New York. I see how It takes too much effort to chill and how it’s far more easy to declare defeat. It just sucks to realize how lonely the next stage of adulthood will be. Kate and I will basically have to fly out to see our friends and schedule to see them months or a year in advance.
Even living close to home, I don’t see the faces I expect to see often. My brother and cousins are to preoccupied with their lives and I only wish I can take my family out on trips every other weekend like I was a kid again.
If anything, I haven’t been photographing because, ahem, there isn’t much that interests me to go out there and snap. My favorite subjects to photographs are the people near me and around me; and the moment I point a lens at a co-worker, I’m greeted with bashfulness or an awkward look like I am some sort of freak.
I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to think too hard on it. It’s all shitty to me.