Earlier this month, I Kate and I ran into our close friend’s mom who we haven’t seen since some time last year. Kate’s girlfriends were all reunited under one roof on Sunday and Iris’ mom was telling Iris how she ran she saw us about a month ago.
I was wondering what the hell she was talking about. So I had to back track and tackle logic to figure this one out. We moved to SF on December 1. We ran into her the day after in Milpitas.
My parents bought a Christmas tree that same day. I didn’t get to breathe it in until late yesterday when I was wrapping gifts for two hours. As I sat back to relax my back, I examined the tree and realized that it was the first time I was looking at it. I mean, really looking at it. So I sat there alone absorbing as much of the scenery as I could and thought, “Why can’t I do this more often.”
My inner me threw a brick at me. I was instantly reminded that I have no time. I’m too busy. I’m too tired. I’m drained. I give work the most I can give until I am on the bus, too exhausted to do anything but pass time.
Everything in between the first of the month and today have been nothing but a gray blue with no definition of color. My holiday season had no build-up, no anticipation until this past weekend when a bunch of my friends and my family got together to walk Christmas-in-the-Park in Downtown San Jose.
Immediately I blamed being a grown-up. What does that have to do with anything? A lot. I work. I have responsibilities to maintain. Yeah. It’s all dry shit. But who the fuck is to say being a grown-up should suck suck me dry from the fun guy that I am? Having grown-up responsibilities is a given. There’s no way to bypass it. What do I do? I work with it?
I spent an hour, passing time, looking through my iPhoto archives. I did a pretty good job documenting this year, until I started working. How can I sum up the past three months? Project numbers. Kate getting a job. Moving to SF. Yes, all big things, but that’s about as far as my memory extends. I have no supporting photos. I have no journal entries documenting my deepest thoughts, my most foolish thoughts. I loss time by not capturing and documenting as much of it as I can. I was too busy living in the moment but not able to recollect those moments.
The timing is right. So hell, shoot for it. It’s New Year’s next week. My resolution, document more. I want to recall what I did and what I was thinking at those moments. I want to see photos. I want to read about it. It’s like writing a book for myself. I want to read how foolish I am and how much I grow. I want to be the happy little kid Jeff I’ve been known for before I started working. Even I was able to squeeze in some fun time during design school.
Merry Christmas.