jeffrey + upstairsloft

When you’re unemployed, sometimes you just want to watch mindless television. Or not. Instead, I’m watching Blade and Daredevil, wondering why I even own those on DVD. Maybe four years ago I knew I might just want to randomly pop it in. I was wise four years ago. Ahhh the luxury of spending money.

I’m spending now but it’s different when you’re paying cash versus charging up the ass. I’m up to my neck in debt. I hope September is a kick ass month. I hope Kate, Rob and I land our SF jobs, Office Season 3 premieres. Office season 2 comes out on DVD. Avatar season 3 starts. Avatar season 2 comes out on DVD. Common performs at the Mezzanine. And job offers may be lined up for the three of us. Let’s just hope. I’m excited as hell to work. I’m just glad I am out of my emo stage of feeling hopeless and doubtful of landing any sort of design gig. I will no longer toy with the idea of working at Best Buy again. Damn. Back to my movie. Oh how I miss the busy life.

While in the Philippines, there was something I anticipated. I admit to wanting to stay in the Philippines much longer than I usual feel (this was my 10th trip). I don’t have a job to come home to and I wish I did. But there was a list of stuff I was excited to buy when I got home. So what did I do the day after I got home? I tried to keep myself up and generated a list of errands to run and things to buy. Now, I just owe a visit to Ikea for some minor accessories.

Electric Water kettle
Apple keyboard
Airport Express
USB 2.0 Hub
Ikea book-ends
Jeans

And faux wooden blinds for my re-claimed bedroom in Milpitas. My window has been fully exposed for the past 4 years.

My photography senses have become sloppy and too consumed in capturing unpredictability. I miss having control of the situation. I’ve posted over 70 sets of photos taken with my Lomo LC-A, Olympus XA and Nikon FE in the past two years. They were simply taken without too much thinking, without hesitance and purely on intuition. Many of them are flops but I continue to post them. Some are gems.

There have been so many great photo opportunities in the Philippines and I just felt like crap when I couldn’t control the situation from the camera too much–parallax issues screwing up my framing, lack of precise focusing and the lack of lens control. I snap away like a child but sometimes I love capturing only the things that only discipline, precise timing and patience can capture.

I miss being in the lab, printing my own black and white photos and controlling the whole process from the moment the an image was captured to the 30 minutes I let the prints sit in the wash. Seeing that I have no lab access and low funds, I’ll be happy to carry around a camera with controls again.

I really packed the wrong equipment for this trip. No. I didn’t pack enough. I didn’t pack my Nikon FE because I had to keep room for my Rebel XT, a bulky lens, and Olympus XA and the tiny Canon point and shoot I hardly used here.

Like I said, I became sloppy. There was a time where I could snap the shutter in between eye blinks, where I can sense how long the moment would stand there before me to photograph. Now with having all this digital stuff and snapping away happily with a film camera that stands on the verge of a serious camera and a toy camera, I’m not as sharp as I’d like to be.

I have never held back from posting any pictures and I don’t intend to, but I guiltily admit to posting my Philippines set with my head in the sand.

I’m done with school but I look forward to back-to-school shopping. Blame it on 20 years of school and my affection for stationery, pens, paper, backpacks and accessories. Wieden+Kennedy worked on Target’s back-to-school promos. I will enjoy looking for a job and spending my overwhelmingly free time browsing Target and Ikea and eating at Taquerias and bakeries.

I hate going to Ikea but it’s fun when I have a purpose. I’m excited to revamp my room in Milpitas that’s been absent from life for the past three years. Kate said it looks like a dorm-room now. That’s probably because it’s a design studio, home office, bedroom and living room packed into 10×10 ft. space. Kate and I will secure our own place soon enough–I hope.

My stay in the Philippines wraps up in a couple of days and I admit to being sad for leaving. This trip has had its ups and downs. For one, my cousin Abby and her family joined us in the Philippines as well as Kate. My family traveled here to celebrate their silver wedding. I had a blast spending all but the last two days with Kate in my neck of the woods in Pampanga. But the thing that saddens me most is how disconnected the family seems.

I see my aunts, uncles and cousins less this time around and I have a strong hunch it has much to do with my Lola’s death from last year. The same thing happened on my mom’s side when my grandparents were murdered in 1996. The family became more detached (family parties didn’t happen so often; attendance was flaky.) I don’t know what it is, exactly. Also, cousins who I used to be extremely close with grew up. We’re not kids anymore and I understand that, but I lived the last decade watching cousins surpass me in maturity and now it’s at the point where some of them are just too cool to do anything or get a single toe out of line.

Aside from that, the ones who are extremely hospitable are as kind as ever and that is why I’m sad to leave. I love the company, my family’s kindness and I loved having Kate with me full-time in the Philippines.

I feel so out of touch with people. But I’m also tired and see no gain in any of my efforts to regain touch with those people closest to me. When I return from the Philippines in late August, all my efforts will subside and I will focus on building my career. It’s selfish but I’ve witnessed where other people’s priorities lie and it’s time I shift gears and satisfy myself with what I’ve worked hard for instead of wasting energy.

I had my last summer to have fun–granted it was spent entertaining younger cousins and nephews with frequent trips to places like beaches, the Zoo, and a bunch of recreational activities. My summer was spent balancing between being an adult and being a kid. When I get back, I’m not fucking around and I’m getting my design life back on track. Three more weeks of summer break.

I totally forgot I had these. I should do another one. Hmm.

Last Year’s Pics

You could navigate by clicking the left or right side of the displayed photograph. I need to switch up lenses. Most of those photos were taken with my Tokina 28-70mm. I’ve been stuck using the light, stock 18-55 Canon lens. Piece of crap. If only the Tokina lens weren’t a tank.

I hate credit card companies and their sneaky tactics. Somehow, years ago, before becoming a grownup and piling on a large amount of debt, I was automatically enrolled in some payment protection program with my Wells Fargo credit card. I always saw some little $1.00 charge but didn’t make anything of it. Now that I have stuff worth being charged interest for, that payment protection plan cost a bit more than my interest rate itself. I tried canceling this twice after jumping over a few loops. I noticed they’re still charging me and I called the pricks. Apparently, they received my cancellation request and signed cancellation paper and it’ll be in 3 cycles until it’s canceled.

I hope whoever responsible smashes their pinky toe in the car door–sneaky pricks.

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>>> Chased Down Chinatown