I’m concerned that I’ll never learn when to stop and take a breather. I can care less about what it does to my body. My body is serously shrinking and my eyes are hollowed in but what concerns me more is that I won’t have enough time with the lady. I need a change of routine and I need it now. I just graduated. School work is all finished. After my graduation weekend, here I am in the routine as if I were still in school and not because it’s the routine I’m so used to, but because I have to finish out several jobs.
It’s my last summer and I’m trying to keep it a summer—while finishing out these projects, aligning myself to myself, finding a job, staying sharp, entertaining guests from the Philippines, spending time with family, spending time with friends, traveling and all that. Of the whole summer ahead of me, I have only two weekend opportunities to travel down with my friends. The weeks are seriously all planned out and you know what that means. Things that are this planned out make months seem like days and days seem like minutes.
I don’t think I need a drastic change of speed. I don’t need to slow down. Surely enough, my pace needs to shift a bit but more importantly I need a change of scenery. I need new characters, new experiences, new routines, surprises and I need them with Kate.
And while I appreciate the generous offers to work on projects with faculty and freelancing with friends, I owe a lot to myself and Kate to catch up with myself. I spent the last three years completely absorbed and immersed into formally learning design and I lost track of time, my body is screwed up, my biology is out of whack and I lost two family members in the process. It sounds corny but I have a lot of soul-searching to do and I think I can balance that with work with a change of scenery. It just feels too wrong to deny myself of that. If I were a woman and I had periods, my biological clock would be all bad.