jeffrey + upstairsloft

Two years ago I invested $9.99 in that Handy Stitch gadget, As Seen on TV. It worked for a few threads and decided to crap out on me. I intended to return it to Bed Bath and Beyond for another one, thinking I had a lemon. Well, today, I felt wiser. Looking back at that moment, two years ago when I purchased this machine, I thought I was ready for a rematch. I mean, it’s been some time and my wit is more cunning, I am much wiser, and I have more patience. Why not take on this savage beast?

So I spent more than half an hour trying to get this piece of crap to work. I refuse to believe that my wit and wisdom have fallen victim to that As Seen on TV trash. I am wittier. I am wiser, and though my patience probably hasn’t grown much, the As Seen on TV Handy Stitch is a piece of a trash and the networks that aired the commercial, the guy who invented it (women are far too smart and humane to contribute that kind of crap to society) and the people on the commercials are conniving jerks.

With whatever funds I had pulled from my 2nd to last paycheck and Christmas money, I invested in a Sony PSP. It’s been a week break from school and a lot of my time is spent playing Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops, occasional reading, hanging out with Jun and Kate, a trip or two to the city for no particular reason and a shitload of pondering.

I am excited as hell for 2007 and I can’t wait to rid the memory of 2006. It’s been the most hellish year since 2006 and I admit to being in some sort of mildy depressed state for 2 months. I’m relaxed, my thoughts are clearer and the only thing I regret is not journaling whatever these thoughts are. As soon as my eyes go blind from playing PSP and Wii, I will pay my visits to the cofeeshops and bookstores and get my writing on. Until then, I will enjoy these moments warped into my own dimension of deactivating nuclear warheads from Soviet terrorists and playing Wii Sports until I reach 2000pts in tennis and boxing. I have until the end of January.

Tunes of the week: Broadcast|The Future Crayon. Listen to: Poem of Dead Song. I think I’m levitating when I tune that on. P/s. I can’t wait to be back in school but I dread the negative energy I am learning in. Plus, I miss my homies. Hi Rob. Hi Vince.

It’s almost there. I am almost done. I have never experienced so much life in such a short span of time. I have never worked so hard. I have never slept this little. I have never felt this exhausted. After the presentation, it’s over. I finished my dreaded Flash interface. Scipting is a bitch. I did, however, have the pleasure to drive 2 hours in traffic to go home, party with my family for 2.5 hours, and drive back to Sac last night. What a tease, I should have stayed. I ticked the idea. I was tempted. But I had to end the semester at least half as strong as I came into it. In about 4–6 hours, it will all be over. The moment I burn this CD, all I have to do is present the campaign.

Today people were not morons. Today, people were courteous and friendly. Granted, it seems I forsaken people to be decent. The truth is, I am always looking for people with whom I can connect with. I love speaking with casual strangers. I love speaking to homeless people on Powell in SF (well, they tend to speak to me but I return the gesture of holding down a 15–20 minute conversation with them). Today, Kate and I walked the “midtown grid” in Sac. It’s, god I hate myself for saying this, kind of like a very mini mini mini mini Manhattan. By this I mean it’s an easy x and y axis, with local shops, decent people, hipsters, homeless people—that downtown/midtown cultural sort that you find in most metropolitan area.

Kate and I had a chill time. We photographed for a school project, had a conversation with a nice couple who reminded me that not all people are mad and we chilled in a coffee joint where they don’t use a cash register. It’s coined Sacramento’s “neighborhood speakeasy.” You break your own change and it’s basically a warehouse that serves pastries and coffee. It’s only been open for a few months, but it’s quite an underground success.

>>> Old Soul [pic]

We shopped at independent shops for gifts. Mixed Bags, UnitedState, Sugar Candy to name a few. We ate at Beach Hut deli. We had a chill time in Midtown Sac. No moped rallies or overly dressed folks with haughty attitudes. Everybody today was much more welcoming than I expected. We even ran into some of the people from the shops when they were taking their lunch breaks and they were very friendly.

Today was just a relief for me. Having lived in a vacuum cleaner quite harshly for over a semester, I can only recall feeling this unburdened when I was in New York this past summer.

We even tested out luck with the social scene on a holiday at Arden Fair mall. I think I was only elbowed in the face twice this time.

Like I said, it was a relief—therapeutic even. I sketched in my moleskine for some website redesign ideas—perhaps something simpler and more typographic. I jotted some fresh thoughts in my head and sketched packaging ideas that I want to take for my senior semester to rejuvenate a past project. Lovely day.

To catch up on a previous life of leisure, ideally, I would be playing guitar until my fingers and ears bleed. I would read, draw and write until my mind reaches that state of blissful exhaustion. I gave it a try today but my brain feels like an octopus found its mating partner. I want to blow my nose dry of my brain just to rid this feeling. My sinus is killing me. As for mental and physical exhaustion, caused by this semester, I feel well-rested.

I had a whole day off yesterday and watched “The Devil Wears Prada” at night, which is an awesome movie. I just wish I weren’t so damn sick so I could have drove home, rode the BART to SF and just hang out in the city. I owe it to myself. I wish I had close friends that lived there so I can crash there. Hell, I wish I lived there. No, I wish I can walk outside of my Brooklyn flat, take the A train to grab a bite at Gray’s Papaya and hit up Museum Mile while listening to music and sipping hot cocoa. Keep dreaming Jeff. Damn teaser thoughts.

After 15 weeks of 2–4 hour naps a day, at least 2 all-nighters a week, 6 class projects, 6 projects at my internship and and assisting the professor in teaching the introductory upper division courses, I am in bed and unable to make it to my final day in class (excluding final campaign presentations next week). All that hard, all that work, and I couldn’t run the last lap.

I think I did a decent job this semester managing time and projects. In spite of that, my expectations of quality have declined a bit. Not too much where each piece looks like the other end of a baboon, but I bitch about how it could have been better more than I normally do. I know, i know. given the circumstances blah blah blah. But I really do push myself to become a great designer. I’ve been pretty hardcore all semester but finishing out this last day in this condition would have been murder.

All the while, my family and I were faced with another death this year. Not a day goes by where I replay moments in my head where I was just hanging out with Uncle Raymond or thinking about how family parties used to be before we got too grown up. “Life happens.” I agree; It does. It happened a lot this year, let alone this semester. But I kept truckin’. Kate commented that I freaked out too much this semester. I think it’s fairly justified.

I fell short of my own expectations but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hold mine down. It sucks being in an environment where people have the wrong attitude in design. They’re close-minded, non-supportive, unable to suspend judgement, and don’t strive to actually learn. One more semester and I am out of this joint.

It wasn’t until I moved to Milpitas in the 6th grade when my spiteful attitude towards people developed. It’s safe to say that the series of crappy events led to my thicker skin and perhaps some lingering complexes. Besides that, I’ve grown comfortable and I learned to embrace myself. I found areas where I am strong and I am able to bring those forward and magnify them to overshadow my weaknesses.

Gospel aside, my lack of a fan-base only encourages me to embrace myself more. Plus, I know for a damn fact that the people who have beef with me are far beyond insecure with themselves to place themselves on high school behavioral level. Basically, I’m used to it, I don’t care, the people that do stick around think I’m pretty dope, and the people who hate, well, I’m rough around the edges, what can I expect? I’m hit or miss, but I’m not a prostitute who sells himself out for the love of the crowd. Lately, I’ve been running into a bunch of those. I do, however, thank the punks who demeaned me over the years—it only pushes me to grow above and beyond that pettiness. You know what I mean? Plus, I scored the coolest chick ever who has a good sense of judgement.

That’s all. I had a booger I had to pick out of my nose. There it is, ya’ll.

Kate and I have a plan to participate in being roadway vigilantes by renting a U-haul truck and launching tumbleweed at shitty drivers. Before we pursue this, we need to figure out something to do with people using blue leds as Christmas lights. 1. They’re not Christmas colors. 2. They hurt our eyes. 3. You can see them from 3 miles away. 4. It looks like the house is one big bluetooth device. Did some company produce far too many blue LEDs? They’re everywhere. Bluetooth. Nintendo Wii. Samsung plasmas. My external hard drive and not people’s homes.

I want to shoot myself in the leg when I bust my ass off trying to focus when it’s crunch time. I want to shoot myself in the other leg, maybe take out an arm when outside things distract me. I really wish I can focus and not get immensely distracted at every interval of interruption that comes my way. It would take hours to finally get into the flow of things and a few seconds to undo all of it. When that happens, I want to play wheelchair tag on the freeway. Extremely agitated.

Kate won’t let me wear brown Topsiders with black pinstripe dress pants. I think that look is hot. Not matching is cool. She don’t be knowing. Psh!