jeffrey + upstairsloft

One too many for the year. This afternoon, I lost my uncle to cancer. He was diagnosed early this month. My Lola passed this March. Dilla. Steve Irwin. A handful of my classmates’ friends and family. Again, I rest my case on experiencing the shittiest year since 1996.

Since switching healthcare plans from my mom’s to the one with the university, things like ADHD don’t quite transfer. I decided I want to take some medication to allow me to focus because I’ve been having frequent fits about little things that frustrate me this semester. Basically the essence of Jeffrey is finally starting to kick my ass and I don’t have much time to allow my natural state to adapt to how long it takes for “normal” people to accomplish things. And because there’s a bunch of moron college students who seek these meds for abuse, I have to jump through loops. To make matters worst, I had to answer some ridiculous questions and write an essay. Screw proofreading. Here it is.

A simple pleasure that makes life worth living is being inspired. I love to create and I love ideas that weave in and out of my subconscious from past experiences that lead to these awesome ideas that I would love to pursue. I never know whether or not it’s a crummy idea I attempt it or record it in my journal. Rather than letting ideas flow around and never catching them, I sketch and write these ideas down so I can get to them another time. Chances are I am too busy to ever pursue it but they progress and evolve into new ideas. I find significance in this through being an active thinker and these thoughts and ideas I have that I don’t pursue, but record, they’re all a buildup to more ideas I can pursue when the situation permits. In a way, it’s like having thoughts and ideas on standby that I can apply to any upcoming circumstances and situations.

It wasn’t until I started taking graphic design classes that allowed me to focus. I had extremely high interests in this subject and that interests evolved into ambition and it is constantly increasing. Since graduating high school, I’ve been taking graphic design classes to achieve acceptance into a state university. Graphic design was a home for restless thoughts and a constant flow of ideas because there is always a problem to solve whether it is purely visual or I am sequencing a narrative to best communicate a message and applying that concept into a visual experience.

Because my passion in this visually creative pursuit, non graphic design classes are much more tolerable for me because. I’ve had my best ideas in non graphic design class. That is probably the only value I find in lecture classes, because they motivate me to think—sure, they’re not entirely relevant the lecture material, but it’s a situation I get productive thinking accomplished. It’s ambience. However, there are a few classes that managed to keep me interested and those classes involved stimulating discussions. This might occur only once or twice a month but it gave me something to look forward to when the lecturer digresses and talks about something that interests me.

By taking graphic design classes which fit my constant seeking of new and innovative thoughts, taking GE classes have become less of a mentally aggravating experience because I sought an ulterior motive. To address the question of my worst experiences of classes I have taken, without a doubt it is any math class I’ve taken. No matter how hard I tried it never clicked. I repeated basic algebra several times. It’s also a torturing experience when on is forced to focus on such a linear path of thinking. When math and I clicked, which are rare occasions, it’s because my mind sat still for that moment. There is no shade of gray with me—just extremes. I’m either frantically playing with ideas in my head or spacing out. I can’t think still and sit still. When I do, it’s because I found some sort of way to distract myself from thinking about what it is that’s bothering me.

Because this is an everyday occurrence for me, this has changed my life by finding alternatives to the moments I don’t like. I get easily frustrated when there is no other way about going things. Similarly, that’s how math was. There was no other way to figure out the solution, just this one systematic approach to solving an equation. There is no harmony to a linear path of thinking because there is only one note playing.

I hate when I try hella hard to remember something and I remember so hard that I forget what it was that I was trying to remember then I lose what I wanted to remember forever. ADHD is kicking my ass this semester. I was pretty well-behaved last semester. It’s gotta be the restlessness. Last semester was fairly chill compared to the semester before that and compared to this past summer and this semester. That’s what I wanted to remember to say but I forgot the other part. Dammit.

My grief with Starbucks gravitates towards its excess—it’s ubiquity. While some may argue that Starbucks presents many employment opportunities, they have defaced the value of independent coffeehouses and more importantly, bullied them out by roughing up competition (as if the independent coffee shop had a chance). I admit that Starbucks has decent coffee and an awesome, very thought-out marketed design scheme. I mean, they have to right? They have over 6,000 stores in the US and they upkeep their store interiors with consistently attractive design, much unlike Wal-Mart and McDonald’s. So kudos to the atmospheric package. So now what seems to make it or break it for me to visit Starbucks as a local is the baristas. In Milpitas I will drive 2 miles away to hang out at a Starbucks for a couple of hours than to cross the street from my parents’ house.

I decided to live on a more practical budget. I mean face it, I am a college student. Do I really need a $3.65 cup of caffeinated beverage to kick-start my day, everyday? Even a buck-fifty is tons more reasonable to spend. Still, the amount they charge does not level out with the quality of their goods. I seriously enjoy my cups of coffee from 7-11 and several gas stations than I do with Starbucks. I find myself paying $1.50 for a simple cup of coffee to pay my dues for loitering for hours at Starbucks. Essentially I am paying for the experience. $3.65 for a “grande” iced white mocha is not worth its price, especially when I’m just in and out—maybe if I chilled there for 5 hours.

The way I see it, I am working the hardest that I’ve ever worked in my life. Not just the hardest, but the longest, most consistent that I’ve ever worked in my life. I am juggling a great deal of projects. So I feel I owe it to myself to indulge a little. And it’s nothing extreme.

Kate and I are driving out to San Francisco and Berkeley three times this week to catch some awesome shows. If that means driving from Sac to San Francisco the 2nd time in a week, it’s all worth it. Why would I burden myself with driving if I didn’t find it worthwhile. Good live music is small, intimate venues help keep me sane. I admit, stadium shows and large shows are all too frantic for me and I just end up getting irritated.

Which brings me to my next topic. In our twenties, I think it is okay to be selfish. This is the point in our lives where we can dedicatedly focus on ourselves. It’s a crucial point in our development as adults who need to be aware of all the responsibilities, socially, culturally and personally. It’s the point in our lives where we can focus on school, our careers and our own spiritual growth.

The development that takes place in our twenties is what sets us up for how we respond and react to situations when shit gets tougher at an older age—when responsibilities start to globally affect those around you—like raising a family or something. We are also setting ourselves up of knowing how to keep sane.

I think there is a lot of shit out there which are hard to ignore. All the social and political issues that arise and how it affects whatever kinda of life we run. It affects us universally and we need to find some solace to all of this.

Being 23, I constantly seek a calm mental place in all of this craziness—school and surrounding issues. Plus, I’d be a fool to ignore all of this and though I don’t watch the news as often as I probably should (well, how many times can we count the word ‘TERROR’ flashing on our screens?). I sense how we are all affected. I’d be a fool to live in a vacuum and not know it. I’d be, well, most people.

I start school tomorrow and apparently I’m not quite ready for the summer to end. So, again, to top it off, three more shows. I’m pretty stoked. I’m stoked as hell to finally see Feist on Friday. Zero 7, Sia, Jose Gonzalez and Feist within the same week—seriously, it doesn’t get any better. Talib Kweli on Wednesday. Tribe Called Quest on Friday. This is just stupid.

I really hope I remain balanced throughout this upcoming year. For the second time in my life, I am a senior. And I’m not quite sure that senioritis exist in college, let alone a college graphic design student. But I am just aching to leave. I really need to stop saying this because I think I’m being offensive. I’m not saying Sac is not good enough for me. It’s just not for me. Plus, I’m only here to go to school and while people who grew up in Sac either love it or hate it, it’s just plain and simple that it’s just not my kind of vibe. That’s all. I just find myself content when I’m faced with the duality of a frantic lifestyle and a calming lifestyle all in a day’s worth.

Plus, I’m doped up on Tylenol Nighttime medicine and I do not want to start my senior year with a flu, in 90 degree Sac weather. Yeah, I’ll stop.

Last night was the perfect way to cap off the summer. We parked a block away from the venue and on the way to The Fillmore, I saw Jose Gonzalez walking along the sidewalk like he wasn’t the most badass guy. I stopped and greeted him like a dork and ended up introducing myself. He was awesome.

Up front, right at the security barrier, we witnessed Jose Gonzalez pretty much kill it. I lost it when he covered Massive Attack’s Teardrop. I lost it again when Zero 7 transitioned into Pharcyde’s Runnin’ after performing a song that features Jose. That three hours of Zero 7, Sia and Jose Gonzalez were as good as it gets. This year is the year of the most badass shows. Feist on September 8. I will return to the Fillmore.

One more year left in Sac, Kate and I are seriously considering early packing. We are jetting out of here the moment we can. No disrespect to Sac lovers, but my heart has always been for the city—but my heart now belongs to an even bigger city. It’s going to happen. I’m living in Brooklyn next year.