jeffrey + upstairsloft

Guess what? >>> I’m in.

I used the negative scanner at work and digitally archived some of my b/w negatives, including some negatives I did not print. I found a hilarious ass one of Jun looking so intense, in search of something deeper and more meaningful in life; or… just looking like Derek Zoolander. Either way, doesn’t he look hot? I would like to know why Jun is still single. Ladies… please leave comments with your screenames or e-mail addresses so I can hook this fly mutha—- up.

>>>Jun’s Picture

A well deserved break from school begins after tomorrow. Friday turned into an online session and all I have is work. So then what? 3.5hr/day, MWF, spring cleaning, leisure reading and mid-week, going home. As unmotivated as I am this semester, things are really picking up. I think I did well on my midterms and my drawing teacher has stopped poking fun at me and throwing ninja start right across my face.

I just can’t wait until next semester. Real learning.

On an emo note, I am really starting to feel the need to hide. The more my social life has any hint of high school nostalgia to it, I want to turn around and walk away. For 3 years, in junior college, I closed myself off and pretty much chilled with the essentials. At state, I let my doors open and for as many cool people I have met, I also let a few pests in. I guess I’m all for carrying with me the essentials, the necessary, and anything I don’t need I don’t want any part of. It’s sad but, I’m happier this way. Fact is, I miss keeping to myself. The more I open up, the more annoying people find me to be (I know I’m annoying but they get annoyed for all the wrong reasons) and for that, I dislike them. I’d rather for people to not give a damn about me than to misunderstand.

Don’t I sound like a Simple Plan song? God, shoot me. Anyhow, trying to keep my head burried in the ground. I’m almost 22-years old and here I am bitchin’ about friends like this were high school. See what I mean..the moment a hint…

Sorry…once again… I apologize…but.. I just… have…to sing it.

“And it’s just too late. Nothing last forever. I’m sorry I can’t be perrrr-fect”

Please… shoot me (and the pretentious people in my life)

First off, I would like to say, damn you Internet Explorer for interpreting information differently from all of the other browsers, and damn me for relying too much on Dreamweaver and not looking at code.

The site should be fine now and EVERYTHING should show up, including the “Photos,” “Designs,” and “Welcome” images. Quick and simply, what made it not work was this damn little tag right here “alt=”" name=”" width=”" height=” Deleting that tag took away a non-specific size parameter. For those of you who are programmers, please stop laughing at me. It hurts my feelings.

You know…I used to feel at peace every week, on Friday, before I went to CSUS. Now that interval of feeling at peace and at ease is dispersed by months, or interrupted my something extremely unfavorable.

I woke up today and realized that I haven’t been human for so long. I did my regular Milpitas, Saturday routine–wake up, lay in bed, listen to my brother’s TV and figure out all the stuff I forgot that I told myself to remember before I went to sleep. Without thinking, I went downstairs and my dad handed me a cup of coffee (somehow I wake up right after he finishes brewing; this has been happening every weekend I have been here since January).

The reason why I mention my routine is because somehow it led me to re-think of myself. Lately I’ve been an ass, a different kind of ass. I’ve been so work-driven that I forgot who I am beneath all that graphic design exterior.

I wasn’t mumbling and cursing at the little stupid things people do, well, I was, but the stuff I muttered were much less violent than usual. But my responses to people’s behavior led me to think that I was a better person than them. So yes… a different kind of ass.

I sat down, the monitor in front of me, caught up on some news and then BOOM, “I feel human today.” I feel like my head was in the clouds for this past month that being back on earth was such a healing and better experience. All I did this month was complain and drone on how much school sucks this semester, how unenthusiastic classes are and that I’ve been a lower division graphic designer for four years but really, officially and formally started last Fall.

I haven’t quite figured it all out yet, but, I’ll grasp this feeling of, I don’t know, spiritual harmony or whatever it is—this balance I’m feeling with my environment. Ehh. All I know is I feel in tuned and I know that the moment I fall back into my weekday routine, I’ll be flustered with that no emotion/mixed emotion imbalances.

I think clearer when it’s cloudy outside.

Ok OK OK. I just had to express my excitement. Because this is crazy. Ok. When I was selecting a background color that looks closest to my favorite color (PMS 647…I know I know it’s pretty lame) I was selecting what color would look closest to that, BUT I did it through memory. And…we don’t have the ability to memorize colors and such. So…when I was messing with a program on my computer, Art Director’s Toolkit, I used a pixel color finder to see what color my background was in Pantone and I was one swatch away from the background beind PMS 647! K. Gotta go. I’m lame. You hate me.

I get caught up in the stupidest things. Remember how I was wearing dirty clothes for a week, and I didn’t even know. How about that time when I ran out of underwear so I had to improvise. Well, this tops them all. I ate a filipino sweet roll and it was all moldy. I had no clue. I just ate it and realized later that it had mold. I have a moldy piece of break somewhere in my digestive tract. My next shit calls for a celebration and some Mylanta.

Woke up to the sound of DONE. Portfolio…done. Yes, this week we slaved ourselves to damn near perfect our portfolio for the graphic design program portfolio review. You only get one a year. So…I can’t wait until this semester is complete. I hear that once you’re in upper division, you get a special key to enter this way super clubhouse where they have jet-stream spas, golden pool tables and everybody gets a 15″ powerbook. But don’t tell anybody I told you. Space is limited. O yeah… and there’s a petting farm in that special little club. LLamas..YESSSS.

Yesterday, Kate and I took the Writing Proficiency Exam and my mind was racing. It’s a very simple concept and the article we wrote about was a simple topic. But, I am always paranoid of getting screwed over some way or another. Especially that every essay I wrote in the past almost 1.5 years have been As. In grade school up until when I received my first A on an essay (that same 1.5 years ago) I have always thought to have done well but I crashed and I was given Cs or high Ds (sad how I had to mention it was a HIGH D; but hey, it’s almost a C-). Even a B paper is rare. Up to this day it’s rare. But that sreak might have ended at the WPE.

See, I think I did well, as usual, so, my sense of judgement is off when it comes to evaluating my own writing. Why? It’s because I was never given a reason why I received a C. And talking to them after school (if I didn’t have detention) or during office hours didn’t help… ehhh. what am I saying? I did well, I think, but I’m worried as hell. That is a big burden off of my shoulders if I pass. I hate GE. I just want to read and design.